Separating Love and Lust in a Relationship

Love and lust are very different from one another and yet countless folks tend to think of being in love the same as being in lust. The definition of love takes many different forms but the general dictionary definition is “a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness”. Lust on the other hand is typically defined as “an intense or unrestrained sexual craving”.

Although the definitions by themselves differ in that, love is based on an affinity while lust is based solely on desire, it can be difficult to separate the two when it comes to dating and relationships. That is because lust can exist in the presence of love but love does not always exist in the presence of lust.

What is Love

Love has a positive affect on a relationship because when it exists, both partners hold the happiness of the other in a high esteem and place the happiness of their partner ahead of their own desires.

Love affects relationships in a multitude of ways including how the couple interacts, the leisure activities they partake in and the permanence of the relationship.

In a loving relationship, the couple behaves thoughtfully towards each other and are mindful of their partner’s feelings. In addition, the leisure activities that the couple participates in are based on a mutual love and respect and are chosen with careful consideration to the partner’s feelings.

Loving partners typically engage in activities that they either strongly agree on or those that are a compromise. While they may not always be in complete agreement regarding leisure activities, they strive to reach a compromise to ensure that both have the opportunity to engage in their preferred activities.

The presence of love in the relationship enables a couple to work through any problems or difficulties that may arise and helps the relationship to grow and endure because of the thoughtfulness and caring that exists.

What is Lust

Although being in lust may not necessarily have a negative affect on a relationship, it will not be as positive as a loving relationship. Similar to love, lust also affects a relationship in respect of how the couple interacts, the activities they participate in and the permanence of the relationship.

The primary difference between a lustful and a loving relationship is that while in a loving relationship the partners place a high value on the happiness of their partner, a lustful relationship is one in which the partners are consumed by their own desires and place their needs ahead of their partner’s desires. This alone is enough to make their partner feel disrespected and to not place a high value on the relationship.

The fundamental selfishness that exists in a lustful relationship trickles down and affects the activities in which the couple participates. While those in a loving relationship strive to compromise and find activities that they both enjoy, those in a lustful relationship are more prone to insist on participating in activities that they enjoy regardless of whether or not their partner will also enjoy this activity.

Another characteristic of a lustful relationship is that it is typically short lived since it is driven by passion and desire and once a goal is reached, the partner becomes no longer desirable. With nothing else, to drive the relationship it soon begins to wane and the couple often separates.

Being in Love and Lust

The existence of lust within a loving relationship is often driven by a desire to become closer to the partner. This is a natural occurrence as a physical relationship is extremely important in a romantic sense. Provided that the lust does not take over the love and become the dominant characteristic it can be a healthy part of the relationship.

A lustful relationship on the other hand rarely include love since selfishness is the name of the game and placing your own desires ahead of your partner’s precludes the formation of a loving bond.

While it is not possible to have a lustful relationship with the existence of love a little bit of lust mixed into a loving relationship can lead to a closer connection and stronger bond for the couple.

Separating love from lust can be complicated but the key factors to remember is that a loving relationship is one based on selflessness and thoughtfulness while a lustful relationship is characterized by selfishness and thoughtlessness. These fundamental differences often affect whether or not a relationship will be long lasting and will endure the test of time.

Understanding that lust can factor into a loving relationship and have a positive affect, is key to understanding the differences between being in love and being in lust.